Pokemon Go Player Breaks into Pentagon to Catch Snorlax

Arlington County, Virginia - A fifteen-year old boy named Ernest Compton managed to sneak past the high-security Pentagon Force Protection Agency in order to capture a Snorlax, one of the rarest Pokemon on Pokemon Go, the augmented reality mobile game.

When the gamer-turned-criminal was asked if he regrets his actions, he stated,“I knew the risk going in and adding that sweet sweet Snorlax to my Pokemon Go collection was absolutely necessary. So what if I have to spend a few months in jail or if I have slightly jeopardized my ability to get into college? I have a Snorlax! Ten out of ten - I would do it again.” He reiterated that his main concern was not being able to train the Snorlax from within his cell.

The Secretary of Defense responded, “I can wrap my head around terrorists, but this is bizarre. The kid broke in to a government building to capture a fictional animal called a “Poke-bowl” or a “Poky-man” for a virtual game that doesn’t actually exist?”

Ultimately, Mr. Compton’s sentence was extended due to bad behavior, when he bribed a guard to get his phone back, so that he could capture a Porygon and a Lapras, two other rare Pokemon. When guards found him in a broom closet, he refused to put his phone away. He continued using the mobile game as he was forcefully dragged away.

Recounting this incident, he said, “Do you know how

rare a Lapras is? I was initially bummed about being here, but now I have three of the rarest Pokemon.”