New Tik Tok Trend Blamed for Rise in Plasma Theft

PHOENIX, AZ — Gay Blood, once shunned in the medical community for fear of AIDS transmission, is now fetching top dollar as Vampiric TikTok influencers drink it on camera in front of millions of users. Not to be outdone, some TikTokers like Evan Masters are combining last year's 'super glue a pair of Halloween costume vampire teeth challenge' while indulging in what the influencer calls "The Juice." Masters, 29, has 1.4 million followers, most of which came after participating in the Nyquil Chicken challenge. "People love weird ship," says Masters, who talks with a lisp because of the aforementioned glued-on vampire teeth. "I get a lot of angry comments from people because they believe that I myself steal the blood. I just purchased the blood on Craigslist. To be honest, I never thought I'd use that boomer site, but they have the best prices. Besides, I've helped lift the stigma of gay blood by drinking it. It's perfectly safe." We searched the keyword 'gay blood' on Craigslist and found a vendor willing to speak to us anonymously: "I used to steal catalytic converters in the middle of the night, but stealing plasma is better because it's less driving around to scout. You just google plasma center, and there it is. Saves so much money in gas."